This being my first blog and my first post, I thought it only appropriate to think back on other firsts in my life and reflect on those...... Hopefully it will help open a tiny window into my world :)
First day- December 24th, 1981 was the day the Earth stood still (ha, just kidding) I arrived a mere 4 hours shy of Christmas Day (thank goodness, that was close!) and was promptly outfitted in a tiny santa hat and stuck in a tiny red stocking. I've been a true fashion plate ever since..... :)
First best friend- My little sister Lindsey was everything I could've wanted in a best friend. She was always close by (sometimes too close), always wanted to play whatever ridiculous game I made up (oragami driveway sale, anyone? :) she always laughed at my jokes, always let me have the better Barbie car (well not always) and had some killer cute brown curls :) What more could you ask for!
First realization that life wasnt fair- I'll never forget my first day of middle school. I was sharply dressed in my new peach flowered cullotte from Sears, my white Sam and Libby's (okay, they were knock-offs) and my white bow/barrette swiping my bangs (yes of course, bangs) to the side. I was insanely adorable, or so I thought. My first day was nothing like I expected. I didnt have friends in any of my classes, everyone seemed so much bigger and cooler than me and my peach cullotte and bow wasnt so cute next to the Limited Too gear and matching scrunchies all the other girls were wearing. To top off my bad day, it started to rain just as I was frantically trying to find my bus after school let out. In my haste, I fell in a mud puddle and got mud kicked all over me, as others ran by, not noticing the poor blonde girl laying on the ground. And when I thought my day couldnt get any worse, as I got off the bus in my neighborhood, it began to pour like crazy..........and of course I lived in the very back of the neighborhood. I resolved myself to walking slowly and crying in the rain all the way home; muddy cullotte/knock-off shoes/adorable barrette and jean-jacket backpack completely ruined; all the while realizing that life was a lot harder than I ever imagined. I went home, took a hot shower, tossed the white bow/barrette in the trash and began to grow up.
First kiss/first puppy love/first heartbreak- The middle of my 9th grade year I met a boy named Chris. We were friends but soon I began to think he could be more. I would to stare fondly at his pudgy, red cheeks and write my first name with his last. I thought surely this had to be love. After a year or so of dating, the first love and I realized that it was time to shelve our romance. I thought a Mack truck had run over me. And then thought surely this had to be heartbreak. If that little 15 year old girl only knew what life had in store for her in the love and heartbreak department.
First child- As most mothers can surely attest to, you never forget that moment you realize you're going to be someone's mom. I remember sitting in the bathroom of my first apartment (another first!) at the tender age of 20 1/2 (yes, the 1/2 counts!), holding a positive pregnancy test, staring at my feet and wondering when the room would stop spinning. I had to be carried into the bedroom by my boyfriend (first real love and first real heartbreak, but we'll skip that chapter for now......) because my legs refused to do anything but shake. My fear of the unknown was superceeded only by the dream of what my future held. 8 months or so later on April 11th, 2003, Connor Phillip Balanis, entered my life, stole my heart and held it in his tiny hand. The instant I looked at the face of the little boy who was to change my world forever, I knew right then and there, that my dreams had nothing on this. :)
First (and last) Husband :)- The man who was to become my husband entered my life as nothing more than a crazy friend. And I do mean crazy. There was never a dull moment when he was around. I was convinced he was nothing like me and never considered him as anything more than a fun, good friend. Fast foward to 8 years or so later, I was a suddenly single mother of a little boy who just turned 3. We had just been through a whirlwind. I was busy picking up pieces of myself and hoping be able to put them together well enough to be the strong mother my boy needed. So many nights were spent with my baby sitting in my lap, while we both cried and tried to understand the curveball life had thrown us. I'll never forget those little eyes looking up at me, full of tears and that tiny, raspy little voice telling me that he'd never push his loud toy truck into the bakers rack again (something he got reprimanded for quite often) if only his Daddy would come back. I couldn't find words adequate to say to him, so I just rocked him and told him everything was going to be okay. I made a vow then to do everything to make son happy and not to worry about myself. The day Shawn re-entered my life was barely after the leaves had settled from the big storm. I needed a friend, and he was that. I needed someone to make my son smile and laugh from his belly again, and he did that. I needed someone to make us both have hope again, and he gave that to us. What I didnt need, I thought, was another relationship. But before I knew it, I realized he was everything we needed and more. I tell everyone that I watched Shawn fall in love with Connor, before I ever thought about him falling in love with me or vice versa; I was just too afraid to rebuild, so soon after the storm. But one day as I watched the two of them play carelessly on the beach and listened to my sons infectious laughter, I realized that I already had fallen. I just needed my boy to tell me in his own way, that everything was going to be okay. :)
~M
